I think after yesterday's post, my brain decided to recall memories of every girl I've talked to or been friends with and project them into my consciousness. It didn't make much sense, but the dreams defiently brought a wave of depression over me.
There a reason behind every girl who stopped talking to me. Maybe we just drifted apart, or maybe I expressed my feelings for them and made it awkward lol. Every time that happened though, I learned something more about myself.
For example, a girl I met in eleventh grade "H" was someone I honestly thought I had a future with. We would FaceTime every night, and always had something to talk about. We never had any dry conversations, and we would usefully end up falling asleep on the call. So.. After a while, I decided to ask her out. she said:
"No... Not yet..."
It was obviously awkward for a few days after that, but we managed to get right back to where we were.
During Christmas break though, something changed. She stopped calling, she started only giving me dry replies over text like "haha' or "ya" and I was worried that maybe she was over me. She would still call me though, but only to talk about other guys. It honestly hurt more than if she just stopped talking to me altogether. So then I started to become dry.. and she just started to ghost me.
The last time I talked to her was 4 years ago, when I drove to the college she was attending to catch up. It was nice to see her, but it just felt awkward... After a few hours, she gave me a big hug on my way out and I left. I haven't heard anything from her since then.
She really meant a lot to me, and it was the first girl that I truly saw myself with long term. I know she's with a new guy now, and she would post pictures together that looked like she was truly happy. At the end of the day, that's all I wanted. I wanted to see her happy, and that's what makes me happy.
PS.. Happy New Year!
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